I am just reading ‘Time To Think’ by Nancy Kline and find myself nodding in agreement over and over at her very wise words – some of which I share in this article
Nancy says -“The human mind was designed to get intelligence back when it slips away. Yet as a society we teach people including our children to interfere with this process the minute it starts”
Thinking stops when we are upset and restarts when we have allowed ourselves to express our feelings and released the pent up emotions that clouded our minds.
We are taught to suppress our emotions, that it is embarrassing to ourselves and to others if we cry in front of them. We are led to believe it is a sign of weakness to display our anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, anxiety etc. We need to keep the proverbial ‘stiff upper lip’, keep those emotions pent up inside and pretend that we are always in control and everything is ‘fine’.
We tell our children to stop crying when they are hurt, frightened, worried or frustrated, instead of letting them release their emotions in the most natural way and ease the physical or mental pain that will then allow them to think clearly again.
We offer palliatives such as chocolate, caffeine, alcohol, nicotine – these are often used as acceptable ways of dealing with and suppressing the emotions. – Yet crying -“a genetically coded, wholly natural and intended means of ridding the body of pain and toxicity” (Nancy Kline) is widely seen as a weakness,
I am reminded of the famous words of Jimmy Cliff –
“I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright, bright sunshiny day” – full text below for those of you who feel like singing now!
As a coach, mentor and trainer I am often confronted by pent up emotions and frequently some tears, and every single person, without fail, always apologises for crying – such is our conditioning that crying is something to be embarrassed about and to be sorry for. Yet crying is so cathartic and lifts the fog of emotions that have clouded our brains and enables us to see things from a totally different perspective.
I often start the coaching process with clients with a ‘Time To Think’ session where I just listen and allow them to talk without interruption for as long as they need to explore their innermost thoughts, feelings, memories, limiting beliefs, aspirations etc
The results are profound as they access long forgotten memories and feelings which have been buried deep in their subconscious mind with no time and space to surface and be recognised and addressed in our ever increasingly busy lives.
Many emotions surface throughout this session and I encourage the client to just go with the flow of those emotions, to feel the pain, the disappointment, the anger the tears and give themselves time to feel and think it through.
Because I am not asking any questions at this stage, I am not interrupting their ‘train of thought’ so they access those deep levels of their subconscious brain that have lain dormant for many years.
This gift of ‘undiluted listening’ is such a precious gift to give to anyone. Think for a moment now – when did you last get the opportunity to talk, uninterrupted for more than even 60 seconds? (apart from giving presentations or training)
We are so frightened of silence that we rush in to fill every nanosecond with the sound of our own voice. We don’t allow others to pause and think before they utter the next words, instead, we finish their sentences, offer our suggestions for the lost words or ideas they are seeking and by so doing, we interrupt their ‘train of thought’ and keep them talking at a superficial level rather than allowing them to access those deeper and richer subconscious levels which will only flourish in our silence.
The ‘Thinking Environment’ is a very powerful tool to introduce to any team where every member of the team is given time to think and to express their thoughts without any interruptions from others. The richness of individual thinking processes, fresh ideas, increased self-esteem, motivation and productivity that occurs in this environment is astounding.
So don’t keep those pent up emotions to yourself and don’t encourage others to do likewise because all that does is stop everyone thinking and performing at their best. Give yourself and your colleagues and loved ones the precious gift of ‘time to think!’
“Thinking clearly and for yourself is the thing on which everything else depends”
Shirley Wardell President of Evolve UK
I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW THE RAIN IS GONE
I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
Oh, yes I can make it now the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
Look all around, there’s nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, there’s nothing but blue skies
I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day